The shooting, y’know, the thing you are doing for the majority of the game, is okay, but often feels empty, like putting a number of bullets into an enemy pillow I can’t even tell if these shotgun blasts are connecting, but I guess they are since I’m not walking in a bloody pile of skin and bones. I’m also not a big fan of how Duke appears when presented with a mirror, seemingly ice skating on solid ground. When you use the kick button, Duke tries to stomp whatever is in front of him, and depending on what you position him against, his foot either looks like a kid’s foot or a giant’s foot. The enemies are flat, and I don’t mean that in terms of their personalities they vanish if you strafe around them too fast. Everything is pixelated, and not in a good way. This is no graphical masterpiece, nor will I sit here and believe you when you say it was at the time of its release. I’m guessing the final action Duke takes in this game is shooting an alien. You’ll go from level to level, shooting aliens, with the next goal after that of shooting more aliens. With his vacation plans now ruined, Duke vows to do whatever it takes to stop this alien invasion, including spouting a bunch of corny one-liners if necessary. Quickly, Duke realizes that aliens are attacking LA and have mutated the LAPD into horrible monsters. It was not a first-person shooter either, following more in the footsteps of Lara Croft.ĭuke Nukem 3D‘s “plot” is nestled not so elegantly between a loud fart and the menu options: As Duke heads for Los Angeles in hopes of taking a vacation, his spaceship is shot down by unknown hostiles. The clearest memories I have of it are time-traveling pig cops and strippers, so there you go. Yup, of the 15 or so iterations in the series, the only one I can remember experiencing, and through a demo at that, is Duke Nukem: Time to Kill for the original PlayStation. Real quick–and this will truly be real quick–here’s my history with the Duke Nukem franchise: I played one, and only a little bit of it at that. Cue some tastelessly sexual one-liner from the man of the hour. However, this month, for PlayStation Plus, the first-person shooter with enough catchphrases to appease any 90s macho man action movie fan is a free download, and so I bit.
See, while I’ve had a copy of 3D Realms’ risqué tour de force from 1996 on the PC, it has sat untouched, uninteresting, especially since I struggled with its keyboard controls upon initially trying it some months back. Call it a palette cleanser, call it a leap of faith, or call it fortuitous timing–whatever helps you sleep at night. If you’re wondering how I can go from playing something like The Incredibles to Duke Nukem 3D: Megaton Edition in one fell swoop, keep on wondering.
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